Bismillah.
I was running here and there for the past weeks. For the past few months. Partly.. physically and partly only on my mind. Mentally & Emotionally. Agak memenatkan terutamanya berlari menggunakan otak.
My mind worries of things that I need to do. And then drafting plans..and then thoughts on how&when to execute those plans. Some times I have fear. Sometimes I can't figure things. Sometimes I feel lost. But I believe that's normal. For someone in a place like me and making decision that I made. The point is to never stop searching, believing and living. And loving what you choose.
I try not to worry so much. Lebih-lebih lagi bila 50% perancangan peringkat awal perlaksanaan plan aku ni berjalan lancar & laju dari apa yang aku jangkakan. Aku anggap semua tu bantuan Allah sebab nak support keputusan aku ni. Lagipun memang aku buat semua ni yang paling utama sebab nak dekatkan diri padaNYA. Semua yang berlaku atas izinnya.
I got rid of the fear because I trust my Lord. He's the 'always knowing' and 'always loving'. Through Him I realised and understand how to love and how loving Him made it easy to love and be loved by others. Love comes from Him. And for that now my life is so meaningful.
Kadang-kadang bila difikirkan bagaimana aku boleh memilih jalan-jalan tertentu dalam hidup yang buat aku sampai kat sini dan kemudian akan buat benda yang berisiko & baru, rasa terlalu kagum dengan perancangan hebatNYA. Apa yang aku rasa & dapat setahun dua ni menunjukkan betapa gempak nya apa yang disusun untuk hidup aku. And betapa sayangnya Dia kat aku. Aku adalah hamba hina yang terlalu bertuah ada Allah dalam hidup aku. Dia lah yang aku perlukan.
Aku pernah terbaca.. 'jangan ingat sesuatu yang berlaku dalam hidup kita tu kemalangan atau kebetulan semata'. Even kemalangan tu pun bukan satu kemalangan. Meaning..whatever things happened or happening in our lives are designed and know by Allah. And of course He knows what's best for us.
Tak sabar nak bermula. Tapi semuanya kena ikut masa & plan. Takut, risau, teruja semua ada. Tapi kena train otak, hati & badan untuk kembali neutral & logik.
Pencuri hidup kita and sometimes yang menghancurkan kegembiraan/kebahagiaan kita adalah penyesalan masa lalu & kebimbangan masa depan. And I am trying not to let those, stealing from me. Wish it'll be that easy. 😅
One thing for sure, I'm nothing without His bless and love. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah for I am still living my life, I'm loving those I am blessed with in this life and I am loved by them. I'm learning more things that makes me realise that I'm nothing and HE is everything. I pray that I live, love and learn only for and from Him and on the paths towards Him.
