Going on

Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah.
For the people and things He granted me in this world. Actually untuk segalanya yang dipinjamkan sementara dalam hidup ni..aku sangat bertuah dan sentiasa perlu terus bersyukur.

And now.. As a new phase started in my journey in this world. I pray that He eases my way and as He always had, showered me with His bless, guidance and love. Segalanya dipermudahkan sehingga ke saat ni and i couldn't thank Him enough. Probably He granted me this path because of the intention I have vowed and still keep reminding my heart to strongly hold on to.

From making the decision to taking all the necessary steps and action to jump at this side, I can do nothing if it's not by Allah's will and might. All praise to the glorious and most merciful, the Almighty. My true love who never tired of loving me despite my mistakes sins and stupidity.

I am in constant need of His care. And I am one weak servant..His slave who's just so lucky to be granted chances of knowing Him. I pray that my ignorance and weaknesses does not cost me any chance of getting near to Him and seeking His forgiveness and love.

And I am going on today, still going on.. calling and praying to Him in my heart, that He keep me at His path and grant me friends and opportunity to change myself for His better slave, and that doesn't matter if I run, walk or even need to crawl through that journey as long as the path I take is towards Him and His bless.. that it pleases Him. I know that without Him, I am nothing and constantly at loss and lost.

Tanpa perlu aku sedari ataupun akui pun Dia tetap kekal segala-galanya dlm diri & hidup disini dan tanpaNYA aku sebenarnya tak punya apa-apa dan boleh dapat apa-apa pun.
Mengucapkan/menulis lebih mudah dari memahatkan hakikat tersebut dalam hati & perbuatan.

Bantuan yang sebenar hanya datang dari Allah. Hanya Allah.

Live Love Learn

Bismillah.

I was running here and there for the past weeks. For the past few months. Partly.. physically and partly only on my mind. Mentally & Emotionally. Agak memenatkan terutamanya berlari menggunakan otak.

My mind worries of things that I need to do. And then drafting plans..and then thoughts on how&when to execute those plans. Some times I have fear. Sometimes I can't figure things. Sometimes I feel lost. But I believe that's normal. For someone in a place like me and making decision that I made. The point is to never stop searching, believing and living. And loving what you choose.

I try not to worry so much. Lebih-lebih lagi bila 50% perancangan peringkat awal perlaksanaan plan aku ni berjalan lancar & laju dari apa yang aku jangkakan. Aku anggap semua tu bantuan Allah sebab nak support keputusan aku ni. Lagipun memang aku buat semua ni yang paling utama sebab nak dekatkan diri padaNYA.  Semua yang berlaku atas izinnya.

I got rid of the fear because I trust my Lord. He's the 'always knowing' and 'always loving'. Through Him I realised and understand how to love and how loving Him made it easy to love and be loved by others. Love comes from Him. And for that now my life is so meaningful.

Kadang-kadang bila difikirkan bagaimana aku boleh memilih jalan-jalan tertentu dalam hidup yang buat aku sampai kat sini dan kemudian akan buat benda yang berisiko & baru, rasa terlalu kagum dengan perancangan hebatNYA. Apa yang aku rasa & dapat setahun dua ni menunjukkan betapa gempak nya apa yang disusun untuk hidup aku. And betapa sayangnya Dia kat aku. Aku adalah hamba hina yang terlalu bertuah ada Allah dalam hidup aku. Dia lah yang aku perlukan. 

Aku pernah terbaca.. 'jangan ingat sesuatu yang berlaku dalam hidup kita tu kemalangan atau kebetulan semata'. Even kemalangan tu pun bukan satu kemalangan. Meaning..whatever things happened or happening in our lives are designed and know by Allah. And of course He knows what's best for us.

Tak sabar nak bermula. Tapi semuanya kena ikut masa & plan. Takut, risau, teruja semua ada. Tapi kena train otak, hati & badan untuk kembali neutral & logik.

Pencuri hidup kita and sometimes yang menghancurkan kegembiraan/kebahagiaan kita adalah penyesalan masa lalu & kebimbangan masa depan. And I am trying not to let those, stealing from me. Wish it'll be that easy. 😅

One thing for sure, I'm nothing without His bless and love. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah for I am still living my life, I'm loving those I am blessed with in this life and I am loved by them. I'm learning more things that makes me realise that I'm nothing and HE is everything. I pray that I live, love and learn only for and from Him and on the paths towards Him.

Missing Ramadhan

Subuh macam ni.. makes me feel how I miss Ramadhan. Miss those early rise to prepare food for my loved ones, for sahur. And how amazing it felt when we HE gave us ability to do extra things that we somehow found it difficult to do in non-ramadhan months. Well at least for me. Bulan lain macam extra malas.. *sigh*

I wish subuh subuh lain di bulan bukan ramadhan sama macam subuh semalam. Yes,  semalam. Semalam extra best.
I know whatever we managed to push ourselves to do also atas keizinannya.

How HE loves us all kan? How merciful HE is towards hambanya yang selalu ignorant and banyak excuse sebenarnya.

I pray everyday that I get to know HIM and love HIM more and more and more.. not just through my words but especially my act.

Just do it

Bismillah..

Memilih hari ni InsyaAllah.. untuk mula berbelog.

I want this corner to work well. Same as i want things to go well after the big step taken today. Eh tak tak. Yang tu nak the best. But anyway that's probably why i choose today to start writing here.

Probably one day I'll disclose what happened. What i did today remind me about facing our fear. And in my shoes, what I fear today is actually  the fear of uncertainty. Or perception. Or..err..public speaking? In the end..nothing happened. Well not as what I imagined or predicted whatsoever. I may say that it went well.

And I feel so much better. One big 'to do' thing settled. Alhamdulillah.

Rasa macam seketul batu besar yang dok menghempap dada dah being lifted up. So lega.

Big decision was made. And first step taken.
I can't wait to share what's going on with hubs. But like it or not, I have to wait.

Sufi's reaction was.. "yeay!!"
For me? I was half "yeay" and half of *gulp*
Takut juga. Takut masih ada. I know I am facing the fear.

"Ultimately we know deeply that the other side of every corner is freedom"

And coincidentally an old friend suddenly say hi with a short "All the best Lily" message. Thanks. May Allah grant the best to you too.